The opinion of the onion

I am the Account Planner’s best friend. Also, her saviour, metaphor, allusion, trick and treat. Sometimes, I also give her company on lonely nights but we shall not speak of that here.

I am made of more layers than both my parents put together. If you must know - my dad is the legendary Account Director, warrior of faraway fame and fortune, known to have slain dragons and dwarves with equal aplomb. My mum - the demure-demitasse Creative Director who had looked up at the Sistine roof and had famously wondered: Here is a scam worth busting one’s derriere for.

As for me, well I am complex, mysterious and modelled on the Mona Lisa. Account Planners all across the universe love peeling my layers. And keep peeling my layers. It is a mix of striptease and choreography. I like that.

I can make a thousand insights fall on their knees and beg for an audition if I so much as hint at it. I think my opinions are like my children – full of potential and always right.

Here are some:

1. The quality of the silence depends on WHO is keeping his mouth shut.

2. Criticism is content. Critique is the manner in which it is delivered.

3. A thing of beauty is a pain in the ass for ever.

4. But, it is worth it (re: 3 above).

5. We are a gossip economy.

6. Tom Robbins, Harold Robbins, John Travolta and Nicolas Cage are/were made from god’s sperm.

7. There IS such a thing as a free lunch. We Indians have built a powerhouse on that premise. It is called an Agency pitch.

8. Condoleezza Rice is the name of a combo dish at a Chinese takeaway joint. We just have to find out where it is.

I chose to stop at 8 because.