Son of a pitch

A significant aspect of a brand’s life, much like a human being’s life (at least one outside of a maximum security prison) is spent dealing with PEOPLE. Consumers, prospects, distributors, the casual John Public on the Internet road, the multi-tabbing information ferret on the hunt for deals and feature loads, the neurotic ranter who thinks Twitter is the new weapon of mass annihilation, the silently suffering loyalist, the mother, the pervert, the social wanker and the private consumer. They are ALL people and a brand has to deal with them. 24x7x365.

A significant part of that dealing, if not almost entirely (depending upon the category) is managed, often directed and certainly brought alive by Advertising. I am using the term ‘Advertising’ as descriptive of a larger partnership between a brand’s ambitions and its reality. In that sense, Advertisers and Marketers are joined at the hip with ONE common goal — that of the brand’s future. We are TOGETHER the relationship manager that looks after the relationship between a brand and its consumer. Any lopsided interpretation of this definition will lead to an imbalance that often reflects itself in acrimonious emails, knee jerk reviews, unnecessary and wasteful justifications and eventually blowing up in smoke.

Only to pretty much repeat itself with a new 'agency'.

While all is not doomsday here and there certainly are admirable examples of the exception to be found and studied, there is an interesting development that may well be worth talking about. Recently, a local discovery platform called Nearbuy (many people I am told, who don’t know any better will think it is the erstwhile Groupon in India) ‘conducted’ an agency pitch through FB Live. The company was quite clear in what it expects from the pitches and agencies were ‘invited’ to pitch. All through a fairly dramatised process that kind of publicised the mode of the pitch. That’s not all — there was quite a buildup to the whole show with many, many agencies pitching — seventy blessed nine, say some reports. Can you imagine? Let me say this again, slowly: S-E-V-E-N-T-Y N-I-N-E creative companies (agencies, if you absolutely will) responded with their best feet. Creds, decks, showreels, their father or politician uncle’s names (the Delhi agencies at least) and every other trick in the book. Some even hired dogs and ponies especially for this show (like pitching on FB Live itself apparently) to convince Nearbuy that … …

… what? What exactly were they attempting to convince Nearbuy about? Strategy? Pedigree? Creative? Desperation? Misplaced chutzpah? That they are as much ‘with it’ and as ‘dope’ as the client? I don’t know. Maybe I am woefully old school, irredeemably brick and mortar and hopelessly clunky. Maybe I am none of that. METAL (metalcomm.com) — the strategy, creative & content shop I look after, did not pitch. I daresay my partners don’t even check FB on their ‘handhelds’ and twist and turn to dodge or decimate any trend or ‘issue’ that appears on any or all of the foreheads of the social media monster. I certainly don’t and I have recently removed FB from my phone (I can’t use the term ‘handheld’ more than once in a piece, even with apostrophes. I think it belongs in a book with a title like 'How to Please Yourself and Other Self-Help for Gentlemen') as well. But that is not really the point here. I also hear that FOURTEEN creative agencies have been shortlisted. Last time I checked, that kind of a list was called a LONGLIST (unless of course we are discussing harems, sperms and China in which case the law of LARGE numbers may be entertained).

So, here’s my question. And while the question is certainly not rhetorical (I NEED answers and opinions here, ladies and gentlemen. At least for my sanity, if not the industry’s) please be assured that I am in the ring when I ask this. I am not some cynical outsider, documenting and reporting on the game like some washed out player finding questionable solace and a profitable second chance in the commentary box.

WHERE DOES THIS CRAZY CALLED AN AGENCY PITCH END?

I used an adjective as a noun in true American fashion partly to get your attention and mostly to make the question contemporary. But it is still a fairly age independent question that has been bothering me personally and many, many pros (far older than me, veritable bandicoots if you ask me) in the business as well. Some joke about it. Some raise it in parties and forums. Others (especially the aforementioned bandicoots) breathlessly wait for some form of a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow (either a big sellout package or simply the blessed retirement package) and essentially leave the real handling of the issue to, well, us.

So, coming back. Where do we see this headed? Pitches that celebrate manner over matter. Pitches that are weekend fishing trips for marketers. Pitches that are basically visits to the Under 99/- store for ideas (only without paying the 99/- either). Pitches that look, smell, walk, talk and even crap like a shyster and yet manage to woo desperate agencies by the drove. Any answers or thoughts would be welcome. I am at ambarish@metalcomm.com

This piece is NOT calling the Nearbuy pitch a sham. Or anything like that. It is provoked by an occurrence called calling a live pitch on a SM platform. Since many people read the first and last few lines in a piece and hit the buzzer with their opinions, this last para is important.

I am Director and Chief Operating Officer at METAL Communications. All points of view are obviously entirely my own. (I don't even know why we write this kind of shit at the end of point-of-view pieces.)