The Adventures of Goatman and Raw Bean

In India, we make brands out of nothing at all.

Yeah, that's what I am talking about. Cum here sometimes, to taste the best.
In the meantime, read on please.

It was an inky and stormy night in Gautam city. Goatman, dark and delicious with his mutton chop whiskers and kid gloves cloaked hands, sat brooding in silence. Beside him, with silhouetted symbolism, sat Raw Bean in an identical posture. Brooding, for sure, but looking a bit like a human kidney. He is loved in Mexico — feted and admired for his ‘bean there, well done that’ charisma. But in Gautam city, it is not easy to ketchup. You gotta go a long way, Beanie. Before you are worshipped for your kickass powers.

As a country, we are phenomenal. As a people, we put our country on the map with our version of consumerism. When it comes to forgiving, forgetting and gorging — our bosoms are bottomless. We consume with a voracious ferocity that completely bypasses the issue of the brand.

Sometimes, we consume with a stoic trepidation that also bypasses the issue of the brand. Without mistake, there is a brand somewhere. But to stress an already sweating point, it is a brand and not a BRAND.

Consider — we were okay with Santosh Black & White (B/W) television sets kept side by side with Weston B/W television sets. For those born after the BPO industry was born, a B/W television set implies the pictures beamed on the set were black and white and not the colour of the set. Today, Koryo sets are just fine, sitting beside and flying off the shelf with SONY. Make. Believe. Thank you very much. Here's another example of an example being made - outside India, about India.

Consider — Bala shoes and shoe care implements preening just within kicking distance of Bata and commanding a market of its own. And another well intended public message.

The issue of ‘spurious’ is false. There is no ‘spurious’ as that depends upon the point of reference. We are an inclusive people. Our monkeys and our mavens coexist. Often in the same supermarket. They walk hand in paw. Often down the same aisle. They forget, forgive, embrace, move on, stay stuck and otherwise engage in jaw aching consumption together. Then where is the issue of the original and the not?

For the longest time, Lifeboy, Lifebai and the Laalwala saboon beat the red froth out of the real McCoy. For the longest time, if you please.
And if we can chew Alpenliebe, suck on Dr Morepen, pour No.1, move with Laura, remove with Mr Muscle, preen with Super Vasmol 33, rub in Keo Karpin, wash off Pantene, rub out Mr Clean, spray Hit, wear Double Bull, watch Mockba, flutter eyelashes at the business end of Gala mirrors, be sinful behind Saint Gobain, slap around in Shaktimaan slippers, clutch a Maxx or a Micromax with equal aplomb, flaunt Manforce in hushed or raucous displays of androgen, massage with Moov, light up Maa Kaali, grind and chew Haathi Chhaap, dream with Palangtod, dream again with Fair & Lovely, dream once again with Cuticura, Boro Calendula, Tuhina and Snowhite, dress with Pitty, undress with Bapi, P3, Rupa and Amul, then exactly which divine right allows us to nominate certain proper nouns as Brands and others as a problem?

I am waiting for an India that will drink Cock a Cola, chew Chicklaid, clean with Saaf Excel, use Bheem bar if Sonrise doesn’t do the job, switch on a Sonny and crave Turns Up and Faffsee. The last two already exist, as someone I know well assures me.

I am waiting for a day when Deeshee comics will spawn superheroes and idols like Goatman and Raw Bean. I am waiting for that day when a brand will be nothing more or less than what we want it to be.
Go Goatman.

Jai Hind!